tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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