wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
