Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
