I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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