Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
