just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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