trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
