how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
