That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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