Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
