no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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