you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
where are my eyebrows?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
