People with herpes should wear stickers.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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