I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
