I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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