Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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