i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish i was in the wii world.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
