I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
