y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
