that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
