farters have to be the big spoon...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
