the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
