What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
