so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
