So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
