You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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