i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
In America we eat man semen.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
