I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
