hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
