I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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