I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
