This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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