The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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