I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
