i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
