apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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