I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
