You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
