They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
