I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
