worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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