I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
