Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
