Will you blow on my dice?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
