That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
