This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
