he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
