bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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