I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
