he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's blow job season.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
