I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
