He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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