Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
