are you still at the devil's house?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
