bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
