I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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