Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
