I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
