so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
