No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
