I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize