Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
