Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
