fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize