the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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