you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize