Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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