i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
