respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
