I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
