I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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