I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
