I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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