you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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