I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
