# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
