How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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