He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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