Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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