I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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