my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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