Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
