I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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