you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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