At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
