shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
