Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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