Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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