I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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