just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
