I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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