I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize