apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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