a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Two words: nipple clamps
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